i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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