I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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