Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
