I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
