I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
well you can't waste a boner
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
