my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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