You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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