mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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