Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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