i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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