I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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