But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
