I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
