i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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