she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
