hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
