dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
