I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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