Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
