As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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