gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
