I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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