is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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