I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
