actually, I'm a sock model
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Come see our sink grown plant.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
