Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
