We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
