Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
