i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
