real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
