how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
