He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
