It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
