Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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