I wish my penis had an off switch
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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