my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
