why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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