He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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