Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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