The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
