Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
