"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i now understand why vodka
not ubering you a puppy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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