why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
