I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
