You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
