Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
