you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
