I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to make a zoo with you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
