i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
