I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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