the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
