oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
