My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
