The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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