she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
BRING THE BAGELS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
