At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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