Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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