I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
