Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i was born a porn star she said
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
