Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
