I just made out with a guy for $7.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
