When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
