so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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