I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
