im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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