no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
