hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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