went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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