I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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