The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
