Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
